Over the last year, we’ve seen many industries and otherwise standard best practices change with the times. Along with products and services, the way we network in business is changing, and I believe for the best.
We’ve all evolved from handshakes to waves, in-person interviews to virtual exchanges, and we’re growing past the dated and contrived idea that networking equates to being a warm body at an overcrowded happy hour mixer with your elevator pitch memorized, pinning for the chance to exchange business cards with someone important.
With most professionals limited to their home and tiny laptop camera, we had the crutch of sales-like gimmicks and shallow optics stripped away; we are forced to bear our vulnerability and paint a picture of who we were and our mission was with words and sincere connection.
While this “new normal” has been an adjustment for many, I’ve always found that a relationship cultivated through genuine connection and nurtured with sincere respect, empathy, and intention proved the most meaningful, authentic, and reciprocal. Though I wish it hadn’t taken a global pandemic for us to arrive in this space, I’m thankful that we’re all learning what has always been true: human connection is king, and the most prosperous connections are made and kept when they are nurtured.
Why Transactional Relationships Are No Longer the Norm
If introverts and those seeking deeper connections groaned at the idea of traditional networking pre-pandemic, it could mean that extroverts and high-achieving go-getters are the ones scratching their heads now. Does this mean I have to get in touch with people’s feelings? Worse, does this mean that I have to hear about other people’s problems and hopes? I’m here to alleviate any unnecessary stress and assure those who need to listen to it that this evolution is a good thing and is more natural to who we are as people than you might expect. (Because was walking around with an elevator pitch ever natural anyway?)
Though the pandemic certainly accelerated our arrival to the new destination of nurture-focused networking, transactional-focused networking was always going to find its death. With the latter, people quickly become tools and products. Our backstories and life desires are dimmed, and what we can do for someone’s career becomes currency. We exchange our time for an added contact in our Rolodex, and we belittle whole human beings down to one-dimensional vehicles for our consumption. It’s contrived, and rarely does it ever feel energizing at the moment.
Further, in the last year, we’ve all been challenged to buck that status quo. Companies and individuals have been confronted with their unconscious bias and complicity in systematic oppression. Families have been operating as households and homeschooling centers. Couples and individuals have battled the heartache of loss in every sense of the word. Essentially, we were all forced to get uncomfortable and stop with the facades of perfection or curated imperfection. As people and as a nation, we had work to do and needed to detox ourselves of areas of our life that felt forced and fabricated.
Employers took notice too. Today, leaders are expected to be as empathetic as they are strategic and inspiring. Whether it means explaining a lay-off to a crowd of dedicated employees or seeing a once superstar employee curdle as they unpack baggage in their personal life, we are releasing the idea of “leaving our personal life at the door.”
And so, if we’re expecting more empathy, honesty, and human connection from our managers and coworkers, it’s vital that we’re leading with such principles when we’re meeting new people or hoping to cultivate a new professional relationship.
How Everyone Wins With Authentic Connection
Authentic connection is about human connection. It’s not a chess piece to assert or conserve power and influence. It means you are genuinely seeking to know someone — and know them far beyond their professional title.
For example, you may find yourself craving a job move and previously attended networking events for your industry. And while showing up to a virtual event may be a new option, your mission isn’t, “Who is the best person to schmooze this hour,” instead, you’re hoping to attract someone with whom you can have a delightful, meaningful conversation with. You ask someone about the painting in the background and find out it’s a piece of artwork they made over the summer. As they explain the story behind the painting, they’re peeling back the layers of who they are and what lights them up. They remember that you struck up a conversation about art, and you leave knowing that they hope to get back into artistry full-time at some point.
Over time, the relationship is nurtured with email check-ins, LinkedIn engagement, and the occasional art-related recommendation. Because you enjoy their company, a virtual coffee on a regular cadence doesn’t feel like work or that you’re forced to be “on” all of the time. And though you’re not “getting anything out of the relationship” initially, you find out there is a job opening that would be a perfect fit for your new connection. You send it over, and soon you’re celebrating their new position at a company that excites them. Time goes by, and she’s looking to expand their team — you immediately come to mind. Authentic connections have an ebb-and-flow like any relationship, albeit family, romantic, or platonic.
Outside of networking when job hunting, nurturing authentic connection is vital when on a team. Whether you’ve hired a marketing agency or you’re working in-house with a close-knit team of A-players, the relationships formed are essential. If there is misalignment (especially misalignment that isn’t addressed head-on), the workplace culture or team collaboration will suffer. That kind of disconnect can bleed into other work areas: decision-making, project collaboration, and innovation.
When professionals prioritize authentic connection, individuals can feel more inclined to cheer for each other, lead one another to success, and serve from a place of genuine concern. Nurturing your networks makes you a trusted and valued resource to the people you respect. It’s how you build a deeper human connection with the people you choose to invest your time—demonstrating an authentic approach to building genuine partnerships.
How To Cultivate Authentic Connection
Once you’ve decided to network with intention, it’s about getting comfortable with your communication style and approach. Compared to traditional networking, leading with authenticity is far less daunting. You can connect through acts of service, leading with an interest in others, and simply allowing yourself to be vulnerable and attract what is coming to you.
Letting someone know you’re thinking of them doesn’t require expensive gifts or extraordinary gestures. A scheduled call, virtual coffee, or the casual “checking in — how are you?” email goes the distance. It’s not hard to imagine the dopamine hit we get when we see someone was “just thinking of us” or read an article that they think we would enjoy and send it over.
Making the first move may not be your hesitation, but rather, what do I say over text once we’re face-to-face? Ask questions that spotlight their lives and hopes for the short-term futures. Questions like, “What are you looking forward to these days,” or asking about recent projects is a great launching pad for thoughtful and stimulating conversation. Active listening is going to be just as important as the conversation starter. Engage with questions and share commonalities where it feels natural. Finally, be intentional to share what you’re working on. We often wonder if we’re coming off as bragging; instead, think of it as telling a connection about the last passion project that motivated you to give, grow, or gain insights.
If you’re dreading the idea of networking post-pandemic or want to take a refreshed approach to the topic, I encourage you to lead from a place that makes you feel most at home in your skin. It’s that confidence that will ultimately attract you to who is meant to be in your season of life.
